Do you ever tell a part of yourself to be quiet, to shut up, to ‘f’-off or give any other unkind response?

When I initially began to monitor my own thoughts, I noticed my internal response was always operating in againstness. In other words, I was fighting with myself. If my Perfectionist aspect thought, ‘You are so stupid. You can’t do anything right. I hate you!’, my Avoider aspect may have jumped in with, ‘Oh, just shut up! I don’t need to listen to you. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Breathe deeply. Om….’

Rather than actually addressing the issue that the aspect was presenting, which was that there was a part of my own consciousness that was running beliefs and self-judgments about perfectionism, clearly locked in right/wrong thinking, I was simply attempting to deflect the real issue, to avoid the issue and basically sweep the issue under the rug. I wanted to change my thinking by willing myself to just not think those thoughts anymore. This method got me absolutely nowhere.

I want you to consider that there is a different, more supportive way to relate to yourself. Imagine that the part of your consciousness that is expressing negativity is a small child, crying and raging in despair, and simply kneel down, open your arms to the child and begin to pour on the Love and compassion. Compassion is a very nurturing and mothering energy that soothes. Imagine yourself saying things like, “It is Ok to cry. It’s Ok to feel the way you feel. I am here with you. Everything will be alright. I Love you no matter what.” Become a loving parent to that child, and give that child everything that he/she has been missing. This is how I suggest you begin to treat yourself on the inside, with Loving kindness and tenderness no matter what aspect of yourself may confront you.

There is no way to ‘get rid of’ a part of yourself, and, much like you would not consider harming the suffering child who had been locked away, it is important that these parts of your personality stop receiving the message that you wish for them to die! By wishing for a part of yourself to die or disappear, a tremendous lack of trust is established within parts of your own consciousness. If you have been very mean to yourself, or otherwise hard on yourself, it may take some time to repair and reestablish trust with your disowned parts.

Here is an example of how listening with compassion to an aspect of yourself could sound; it is an internal mental dialog where your Higher Self asserts sovereignty rather than allowing the sub-personality to simply take over the wheel of your internal body vehicle:
Aspect: “You are so stupid. You can’t do anything right. I hate you!”
Self: “Wow, you sound really mad…”
Aspect: “Mad? Are you freaking kidding me?! I am furious! You ruin everything. You don’t do anything right.”
Self: “I really hear that. You think I’m stupid and can’t do anything right. I hear you. What makes you feel that way?”
Aspect: “Because you blew that job. It’s all your fault.”
Self: “Hmm… sounds like you think it’s not Ok to make mistakes.”
Aspect: “It’s not! Mistakes are bad. People who make mistakes are stupid idiots.”
Self: “I really hear you think that…”
Aspect: “It is true! Mom, Dad and Grandma all said so. They said I was a bad, stupid girl.” (cries)
Self: “Aw, it’s Ok. Go ahead and cry it out. I hear that they said that… that must have really hurt your feelings. I want to assure you that you are innately good no matter what, and that it is absolutely Ok to make mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn. In fact, we are all smart enough to learn from our mistakes if we want to. You are innately good, and innately smart. You are plugged in to the source of infinite wisdom. You can learn anything you want to know.”
Aspect: “Do you really think so?”
Self: “I know so! We are brilliant.”

Here, the aspect begins to smile and move a little closer, feeling safe, heard and accepted. Bonds are forming. Trust is being established. Old wounds are healing.

By learning how to respond inside of yourself to the parts of yourself that have been previously disowned, abused, ignored, neglected, put-down or punished, you will begin to reel these parts into your own heart and feel whole. How you respond to your suffering parts will determine the rate at which you integrate all of your various aspects. The more self-acceptance you can hold and give to your aspects, the better they will begin to feel about themselves. The better they feel, the easier it will be for them to share their suffering with you and the easier it will be for you to hear their pain. If you can hold the knowing that we are not our behaviors, this is very helpful towards cultivating compassion and self-acceptance.

Every part of your self is beautiful and Loving in nature, regardless of how you were treated as a child, how you responded to your environment and how your disowned aspects modeled unhealthy behaviors. At the level of source energy, you are a soul in a body, and therefore every part of you is essentially Loving. Your disowned parts are simply needing and craving your own Love and attention, wanting more than anything to be included in the whole of who you truly are. You are not your behavior, and your unhealthy behaviors were patterned after gross misinterpretations of reality. Have compassion for yourself for whatever judgments or irrationality you bought into as a younger person that contributed to your aspects acting out. Once you can bring your aspects into the light of self-acceptance, you can begin to identify their strengths and weaknesses.

Which aspect is the part of yourself that is the hardest for you to accept? How do you usually treat this part of yourself in your inner self-talk? Are you willing to consider dialoging with this aspect in a more Loving manner?

Know that the moment you begin to pour on the Loving, healing will begin to take place. Trust can be built. Amends can be made. If you come clean with the part you’ve abused, express your new awareness, take full responsibility for your own pattern of self-talk, and let that part know that you want to listen and connect, I can practically guarantee that your aspect will want to share with you. From there, you can begin listening and learning about this part of you that has been locked away or in hiding. As you strengthen the relationship, you will further integrate this part of your personality into your conscious, healthy, rational Higher Self. Say, ‘I am now dialoging with my most challenging aspects with Loving kindness and listening with compassion.’

Many Blessings of Joy and Vibrant Freedom

Action Step ~ Begin to build self-trust by intentionally inserting your Higher Self into your internal dialog, responding to your most challenging aspects with Love, caring, kindness and compassion.

Declaration: “I am now responding to my disowned aspects from my Higher Self. My inner dialog is now filled with Love, caring and compassion. I now trust myself to treat myself with Love and acceptance. Every part of myself is worthy of being treated kindly, no matter what.”

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