Do you ever feel super-judgmental? As if you are judging up everyone you see? Or perhaps you are just judging up one particular person, big-time?
Don’t worry! And by all means, don’t judge yourself if this happens to you. All this means is that you are good and ready to begin to own, heal and fully resolve some old projections of judgment.
A projection of judgment is when you are having a judgmental thought about someone or something else. This would come into your thoughts or speech in the form of a third-party statement such as, ‘He is so stupid’, ‘She is such an idiot’ or ‘That dress is hideously ugly’.
Recently a client, Cheryl, came to see me, declaring that she was worried about her relationship, as she was constantly judging her boyfriend for everything. She felt irritated and annoyed by him all the time, and although it was really petty stuff, it was becoming too frustrating for her to ignore. She felt ridiculous even admitting her feelings, because her boyfriend was truly a wonderful man and a great, supportive partner. She just didn’t know why she felt so much irritation towards him.
I assured her that her feelings of judgment were normal and Ok, and that this did not at all mean that her relationship was in jeopardy; in relationship, we simply act as mirrors for each other when our stuff is ready to surface for healing.
Then I asked her if she was willing to explore the judgments she’d projected onto her boyfriend, knowing that her judgment could be used in service toward her healing. She was very willing to move forward, eager to stop feeling irritated.
First, I asked her what it was about her boyfriend that annoyed her the most. She instantly replied, “His toenails!” Apparently Cheryl’s boyfriend had a habit of cutting his toenails and leaving the clippings in inappropriate places such as the coffee table in the living room.
I asked her to judge her boyfriend’s behavior around the toenail clippings, as much as she could judge it up. She laughed and went for it, “Irresponsible. Uncaring. Gross, dirty, nasty, icky, disgusting, filthy, yucky, impure, unclean.”
Ok, great. Then I asked her if she was willing to own this projection that these toenail clippings were mirroring. She said, “Yes, of course, if it will make this irritation go away!”
Next, I asked her what most people find to be the most challenging part of the process, “How do these judgments resonate inside of you? Have you ever felt these judgments – irresponsible, uncaring, gross, dirty, etc. – toward yourself?”
At this point, Cheryl looked shocked and burst into tears, nodding her head yes, that she had often felt that way toward herself in the past. She shared that these words brought up painful, long-forgotten memories from the time she had abused drugs and alcohol as a teenager.
Here were huge feelings of shame and self-loathing. She remembered waking up in strange places, not knowing how she’d gotten there. She remembered recklessly hitch-hiking, getting into cars with strangers, and the shame she’d felt knowing she had lied to her parents about where she’d been. She remembered the icky smells – in her hair, on her skin and clothing – and she recalled how much she had hated herself in those moments.
All of the judgments were there; she had judged herself as irresponsible, uncaring, gross, dirty, nasty, icky, disgusting, filthy, yucky, impure and unclean. She dug deeper and found she had also judged herself as drunk, addicted, smelly, shameful, hateful, loathsome, worthless, self-centered, oblivious, disconnected, despicable and lost.
Cheryl was able to access Love and infinite compassion for herself, and take it back in her memory to the years when she’d felt so disconnected from her source of Loving. She bathed herself in acceptance, saying things like, “It’s Ok. I was just learning and growing. I was doing the best I could at the time.”
She forgave herself for each judgment she had placed against herself, knowing she was not really any of those things; she’d only felt and acted like those things. She stated the truth about herself – that she was, in fact, a Divine Being simply having a human experience which had included drunken behavior, and that her essence has always been Loving, and, from Spirit’s perspective, she has always been pure, innocent and clean.
Cheryl was radiant by the time she finished. She moved naturally into gratitude towards Spirit and her boyfriend, thanking and blessing him for providing her with the mirror to do such profoundly deep healing work. She felt like a tremendous load had been lifted, and she was at peace inside. Who knew that her boyfriend’s toenail clippings could result in a purging of many years worth of self-hatred?!
Who is the person who irritates you the most? The one that drives you insanely crazy, or makes you so mad you could spit? What would you judge them as if you were to freely judge them up?
Cheryl continued to take full responsibility for her own thoughts and feelings of upset, and, over the next few months, eventually cleared every projection of judgment she’d been holding towards her boyfriend. She became clearer, more centered and joyful, and as a direct result, her relationship improved dramatically. This is the healing power of owning a projection of judgment.
Get interested in your most challenging projections of judgment. Own the judgment. Say, “My feelings of upset are my own. I am now willing to freely judge up anyone who upsets my peace, and then own the judgments.”
Many Blessings of Joy and Vibrant Freedom
Action Step ~ Think of the person who upsets you the most, and freely list the judgments you feel towards them. Then own everything on the list.
Declaration: “I now fully own my projections of judgment. I willingly judge up anyone who upsets my peace, and take my power back by updating any irrational beliefs and clearing any energies of judgment. I am at peace.”