Have you ever worried that somebody doesn’t like you? Have you ever found yourself acting a certain way to attempt to get someone to like you more?
Remember yourself as a child on the playground, desperate to hook up with a friend? Or needing to be part of group in middle school or high school? Maybe being on the outside of a group looking in, wondering how to fit in, trying to think up ways to be more liked or accepted…
This common concern for most children doesn’t necessarily end with childhood. Most adults are still seeking to be ‘liked’ by others in one way or another.
Just the other day I overheard a woman saying to another, “She never returned my call; I guess she doesn’t like me anymore!” Looking outside of yourself for ‘liking’ can be excruciatingly painful. Anything – one little word, a gesture, a certain facial expression, a punctuation mark in an email, a lack of a proper greeting or salutation, too long between text replies, a missed birthday or an unnoticed haircut – literally anything can be taken as a sign that someone does not like you anymore. How silly is that?!
Yet, in the moment, when you are feeling ‘unliked’, it feels very real. Just like attention, liking is a level of Love-energy that meets a basic need. We all have the need to feel liked. And, just like Love and attention, liking is an inside job. Before anyone else can really like you, you first have to like yourself.
What is your current level of self-liking? Do you need someone else to like you in order to like yourself? Do you need just one particular person to like you to feel Ok about yourself, or do you need everyone to like you? Do you think everyone should like you and get upset if just one person doesn’t? Be willing to take a deep, honest look at yourself.
Sometimes this need can come out very subtly – little things you say or do to impress friends, things you wear, music you listen to, the way you walk or even the tone of your voice you use when certain people are present. Other times the need can be quite dramatic – engaging in drama, codependent relationship, people-pleasing and fighting over every perceived slight. Regardless of the way the unmet need is demonstrated, wanting to be liked is pretty much a universal issue. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked; it is just that most people are simply going about it the hard way.
If you want to feel liked, the solution is simple: decide to like yourself. Right here, right now, this need could get fully met. All you have to do is understand that you are your own source of Loving, and liking is just another level of Loving. As Love-energy in a body, you have the ability to give yourself whatever qualities of Loving you’ve felt lacking. Claim your own source of liking. Say, “I like myself.” Find some things you really like about yourself and list them. “I like my hair. I like my determination. I like the way I am with babies.” And, if you have parts of yourself you really don’t like, not to worry, we’ll get to those soon in future blogs. For now, just know that the only person who needs to like you is YOU.
Many Blessings of Joy and Vibrant Freedom
Action Step ~ Let go of needing others to like you and decide to like yourself; declaration: “The only person who needs to like me is me. I like myself.”
Additional Support: Listen to this audio Decide to Like Yourself. This is a 5-minute closed-eye process; please refrain from driving while listening.